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omgz baby jayoncebey-zruleroftheuniverse!

No, I’m not late to the party. I was right there practically mounting my TV screen during the MTV VMA’s when Beyonce dropped that microphone and rubbed that belly, signifying the apocalypse. Or, ya know, that she’s finally pregnant. In all honesty, my reaction to that moment was a little ridiculous. The level of joy I felt watching the fiercest baby announcement ever, along with seeing Jay-Z and Kanye West triumphantly pissing themselves in happiness – you’d think it was the second coming of Jesus. The funny thing is, I’ve seen a lot of people reacting the same way. And then still others going, “Why the hell is everyone so concerned about this?” I’ll tell you why.


(They’re both covered in urine!)

I am by no means a Beyonce stan. I think her music is formulaic, albeit catchy, but I DO readily admit that she’s easily one of the best performers we’ve got right now. Like her or not, she puts DOWN in every performance she gives, and although her over-singing can get obnoxious, diva’s got a voice. At the same time, I know a lot of people who cannot stand the woman. They think she’s shallow, has no personality, her voice is annoying, her unitards make them weep, etc. To them, this is not a big deal. But to anyone who can at least respect her talent, and to anyone who’s paid attention to how private she’s always kept her relationship with her rap mogal husband, Jay-Z, having such a public display of a personal thing was kind of amazing. For a brief moment, the world got to see this secretive couple joyously reacting to a milestone in their marriage, right in front of our faces. Sure, we’ve heard them both say they love and admire each other, but it’s not often that you even see them near each other on a red carpet, let alone sharing this kind of news with people. I mean, their wedding was kept totally hush-hush and the event had a full media blackout. Go ahead, scour Google. You cannot find a picture of so much as a crumpled napkin from the reception. But their impending bundle of baby joy? We were actually let in on that one.

There’s been rumors about Beyonce possibly being pregnant ever since she wed Jay-Z. They’re constantly having to field questions about it in every interview. We’ve been looking for a baby bump like psychopaths for years. With her doing a couple recent performances wearing a loose fitting dress in place of her usual skintight one-pieces, the rumor mill has been in a frenzy. She wasn’t going to be able to hide the bulge in her figure for much longer, so it looks like she just took it upon herself to tell us everything without even saying a word. If she couldn’t hide it, she might as well be in total control of how the news got out; and she did it after kicking all kinds of ass wailing out “Love On Top.” Come on, dropping the mic like a G and just rubbing her belly? Can you picture anyone else pulling that off with such authority? I’m gonna need a moment.

Get More: 2011 VMA, Music, Beyoncé

Got damn, people. Of COURSE this is a big deal. One of the biggest power couples in the universe has a baby in the oven. I wouldn’t be surprised if that child springs into the world with the most beautiful wail ever heard by human ears. It’s going to be raised by two of the biggest stars in the world (and fingers crossed for some help from our favorite bigmouth, Kanye West!) and hopefully writing one hell of a tell-all in 20 years.

I’ll just say one last thing: Let’s pray the baby gets her mama’s looks. Nothing but love for Jay-Z, but.

Yeah.

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Kanye is creating my next nightmare

The clip for Monster, Kanye’s single with Nicki Minaj and Jay-Z, hit the web today… and oh boy are our minds about to get f@cked. Some of my favorite highlights are Kanye jamming the hand of some comatose but wide-eyed white girl into his face and then rapping ON her lips (what?), white girls in lingerie and heels hanging in nooses from the ceiling surrounding a cigar smoking Rick Ross, and Nicki Minaj crawling away from the camera with her lace-covered ass in our faces. This is really my kinda party. Don’t judge.

 


 

I do have to wonder, though: what’s with the slack-jawed half dead white girls, Yeezy? What you tryin to say about us?

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Kanye West accepts Matt Lauer’s apology from the future

Are you tired of this yet? I’m two posts away from renaming this blog Kanye Said Some Shit Again. Mr. West was supposed to perform on The Today Show in the near future but decided to cancel. Gadzooks. Who saw that coming? Kanye took to Twitter again last night to give his (God-willing) final thoughts on the Today Show debacle.

“I’m not performing on the Today Show for obvious reasons. I’m so happy the world got to see just a small piece of “the set up” I blatantly said I’m not performing on a tweet and to everyone around me and the next day they still announced a performance. Do you guys see what I’m saying now… this is just a small slice of the day to day bullshit that goes on that helps to precipitate… … the idea that I such an asshole…. cause when I don’t perform oh noooow I’m the one that’s crazy or a jerk! If I hadn’t tweeted about how they set me up at the show they would have never played the extra footage that displayed how disrespectful…

I want you guys to look at that footage and start to put everything together now. It’s very simple to call someone angry or spoiled or… the one thousand names I’ve been called but it’s harder to try to take a look at what’s really behind the curtain. I’m so happy that my real fans are not as “basic” as the media makes them out to be… Did you see them try to justify playing the audio…under my interview. Yo sometimes you’re just wrong and it ain’t nothing you can say to justify it believe me I know! Right now I’m not complaining. I’m tweeting because I’m so happy you guys got to see this shit really go down!!!!! : ))))))!!!! FINALLY!!! .

…And I don’t hate Matt Lauer… We don’t promote hate. That’s the whole point!!! I promote love and truth! … we’re all products or our environments … reflections of our surroundings… You know what ….WE OFF THAT!!!… They made a mistake… they thought they could pull it but they couldn’t! That was just a small… …representation of a bigger media play that’s been going on since the beginning of time. All positive energy … all smiles. Much love to Matt and the whole Today Show. I accept ya’ll future apology in advance LOL!”

Honestly, does anyone care about this anymore? I love Kanye West’s music, but at this point he’s coming off as a spoiled kid throwing a tantrum. We get it…you feel like you were disrespected and you wanted to clear it up. That’s fine. You did that the other day. Can we move on now?

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That Kanye West interview

The clip from that Kanye West interview with Matt Lauer on the Today Show that went south when a clip of Swiftgate was played has hit the net. The drama is around the 6:30 mark. There’s also a bit of tension when Lauer shows a clip of George W. talking about Kanye calling him a racist, and he asks Kanye to look at his face. “I didn’t need you guys to show me the tape to prompt my emotions…” That’s around 2:40.

Awwkkkkk-waaard. I see why it made Kanye uncomfortable but his reaction made the whole thing even more squirm-worthy. If you ever want me to interview Mr. West, you’re going to have to shoot me with a tranquilizer dart first.

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Kanye’s pissed again

What better way to start off your Wednesday than with a good old-fashioned Kanye West rant?

Kanye had been known to go off occasionally on his blog, but after his huge controversy with Taylor Swift, he calmed down a bit on public hissyfits. Late last night, he came back with a vengeance…this time, on Twitter. Apparently I should have held off on my Celebrity Tweets post! (Missed it? Shame on your face. Click here and here.)

A little back story – According to MTVNews.com, Kanye did an interview with Matt Lauer of the “Today” Show (which doesn’t seem to have aired yet), who asked him about his appearance on the Hurricane Katrina telethon. If you happened to be somewhere other than planet Earth and missed that whole thing, this is the television appearance Kanye made where he was talking with Mike Myers and blurted out, “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.” Oh God, who could forget the horrified look on poor Mike’s face?! But I digress… Apparently Matt asked him about this particular comment and while Kanye tried to explain his empathy with Bush for having said that and being labeled a racist himself after Swiftgate, Lauer played clips of West interrupting Taylor Swift at the MTV VMA’s. Kanye did not appreciate this. No, he sure didn’t.

Last night he took to his Twitter and went on a rant:

I went up there to express how I was empathetic to Bush because I labeled him a racist and years later I got labeled as a racist…. While I was trying to give the interview they started playing the “MTV” under me with audio!!!!!! I don’t mess with Matt Lauer or the Today Show … and that’s a very nice way for me to put it! HE TRIED TO FORCE MY ANSWERS. IT WAS VERY BRUTAL AND I CAME THERE WITH ONLY POSITIVE INTENT. (Oh no, return of the caps lock!) I feel very alone very used very tortured very forced very misunderstood very hollow very very misused. I don’t trust anyone but myself! Everyone has an agenda. I don’t do press anymore. I can’t be everything to everybody anymore. I can’t be everybody’s hero and villain savior and sinner Christian and anti Christ! I can’t take anymore advice!!! I create, I’m creative, I have a good heart, everyone will see and understand one day. Everything sounds like noise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYTHING SOUNDS LIKE NOISE!!!!!!! I don’t trust anyone!

Very judged very scrutinized very criticized! I want everyone to know I have lows all the time but I make it through them! Yo I really wonder if Matt Lauer thought that shit was cool to play the “MTV” clip while I was speaking about Bush? He played clips of Bush and asked me to look at his face while I was trying to talk to him. I wish Michael Jackson had twitter!!!!!! (Oh boy…)
Maybe Mike could have explained how the media tried to set him up!!! It’s all a fucking set up!!!! This is rock and roll life my people… you can’t stop the truth you can’t stop the music and I have to be strong or “they” win!!!! Sometimes it’s not simple, some days it’s not easy… I just want to create. I love you guys, thanks for the support!

And there you have it. If you piss off Kanye West, he IS going to go off on you. The thing about this is, he just drew even more attention to the news segment and now more people are going to be paying attention to it when it does air. Ah well, as long as there’s an internet, Kanye West is going to use it to tell us why he’s mad.

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Celebs Twitter the darndest things – Part 2

And now for Part 2 of Celebrity Twitter Escapades!

All the tweets I list here are copied and pasted directly from the celeb’s Twitter itself. Not one word has been changed.


 
Example Three: Tyrese
 
Who knew that the guy best known for the hit song “Sweet Lady” and starring in the Fast and the Furious movies was so damn preachy? Tyrese LOVES to EMPHASIZE certain WORDS for EFFECT and to tell us ALL what we’re doing WRONG in our LIVES and how to FIX IT. Don’t get me wrong, the man does actually drop some good advice, but Jesus Christo. He sounds like he’s trying to make a career switch to a motivational speaker.

@Tyrese: This next quote can REALLY change your LIFE if you shut your face and LISTEN and pay ATTENTION… You hear me????
@Tyrese: “When people show you who they REALLY ARE .. Believe it… Don’t let ur emotions chime in.. Open ur EYES! Pay attention.. Then RUN!!!
@Tyrese: EVeryone seems to be trying to BREAK FREE of someone.. But most need to break free of their OWN bad taste in PEOPLE..
@Tyrese: Just confess.. You have HORRIBLE taste in picking boyfriends, girlfriends, AND friends. Just HORRIBLE.. A confession will be the NEW start
@Tyrese: Can you REALLY expect the OUTCOME of ur relationship to be any different when ur dating the SAME TYPE OF PEOPLE ..??
@Tyrese: I believe in tough love… The shit you’ve been doing at this point is just STUPID and damn near suicidal.. BREAK THE CYCLE.. uCHANGEu
@Tyrese: I’m done with this… If you stay in it.. That’s on you.. I wake up and enjoy my life EVERY DAY.. Cause I DECIDED I wanted this..
@Tyrese: If you stay in that hole.. That NO ONE WANTS you to be in.. That’s on YOU.. No one feels sorry for you.. Good luck #ToughLove

Damn, Tyrese is MAD AT US. Did you see that? He wants us to shut our face! Why is he making me look at myself? Stop! It hurts, it hurts! Listen, I don’t know about you, but there are a whole slew of people in the real world who can tell me how much I suck at life. I sure don’t need an R&B singer with an attitude chiming in. In reality, as it turns out, Tyrese is actually releasing a book full of sentiments like this, so if you like this kind of thing… be on the lookout at your local bookstore.


 
Example Four: Kanye West
 

You knew this was coming. You don’t even need to have a Twitter account to know that Kanye occasionally goes off completely unfiltered. When he first joined Twitter, there was buzz about it all over the internet. He’s actually the reason why I even signed up for Twitter to begin with… because he started addressing his situation with Taylor Swift and seemed to be doing some sort of introspection completely in public. Once all that died down, the real fun began. Those of you who used to read his blog know that sometimes he gets excited and draaaaaaaags his wooooooords ooooouuuuuuuuuuuuut and uses excessive exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LUCKILY HE MOSTLY HAS DROPPED HIS AGGRESSIVE USE OF CAPS LOCK.

@kanyewest: Sometimes when I stunt because I’m so excited!!!!!!! This is crazy man!!! Life is soooo awesome!!!! After last year to be here about to..
@kanyewest: have my film air in less that 4 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m excited about the album and the film and I crazy new performance ideas!!!!
@kanyewest: I love commercial art!!! I know that sounds like an oxy moron and if I spelled that wrong I just sound like a moron lol!!!
@kanyewest: MONSTER… can we just talk about Nicki’s verse???????!!!!!!!!! I toooooooooooooooold yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallll!!!!!!!!!!!!

He’s singlehandedly given me a complex that I can’t truly convey my excitement to someone through techonological means without exclaiming the crap out of my sentences.

Kanye wouldn’t be Kanye if he didn’t occasionally show us that his ridiculous ego is still alive and well.

@kanyewest: I have decided to become the best rapper of all time! I put it on my things to do in this lifetime list!

So it is written, so it shall be done. This declaration of his makes this tweet, which he sent out prior to the one just mentioned, even more hilarious:

@kanyewest: No more ego… all positive energy… new emotion… new visuals… new music…

No more ego? Right. Next you’re going to tell me that Britney Spears quit Starbucks and Cheetos. GTFO.

Sometimes he shares his deep, philosophical thoughts with us, such as:

@kanyewest: My favorite unit of measurement is ‘a shit load’
@kanyewest: Like when people ask how many shoes I got, I tell em I got ‘a shit load’ of shoes
@kanyewest: How much is a shit load exactly? I’m assuming it’s more than a piss load.

Indeed.

And, one of my favorites:

@kanyewest: Sometimes I get emotional over fonts

Kanye and I have that in common. I see a sweet scripted font with just the right amount of curve to it and it brings a tear to my eye. You wouldn’t understand.

Occasionally another celeb will be inspired to respond to Kanye and it makes for the LOLs:

@kanyewest: I hate when I’m on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like oh great now I gotta be responsible for this water bottle

Shortly after that, Dane Cook tweeted:

@danecook: My water bottles next to a sleeping @kanyewest . I hope he doesn’t feel responsible for it if he wakes up. Ok back to zzz.

Zing!!

And I’ll conclude the Kanye segment with this little monologue he posted.

@kanyewest: Please don’t let girls start wearing dark lipstick again. I just think girls need to know that guys don’t really like black lipstick
@kanyewest: I think classic red is the sexiest or no make up at all … nothing too experimental
@kanyewest: Keep the crazy colors on the toes
@kanyewest: Do girls even base any of they lip choices on what we like?
@kanyewest: She say… well my hairdresser like it… well tell me what your lipdresser says
@kanyewest: I looked at the time and just thought … oh shit… it’s girls at the club right now with dark lipstick reading this…. uuuuuuuuh my bad
@kanyewest: I think girls be trying to impress other girls with all them weird ass lip colors lol
@kanyewest: In the studio with Jay and B. Beyonce just explained to me that lip dressers are better known as make up artist lol

Cuz it’s like my mom always said: if anyone knows about ladies and their lipstick, it’s Kanye West.


 
Example Five: Bow Wow

Twitter isn’t all fun and games and instructions on how to better your life according to Tyrese. Sometimes you’ll see what looks like a celeb crying out for help. Bow Wow posted this just Saturday afternoon:

@BowWow: I swear i be wishing i was dead sometimes. Because i feel like that’s the only way ill get peace.
@BowWow: People don’t know me man. Yall don’t … start looking at Shad. Not Bow wow. Fuck Bow. I go through shit daily. I’m Just like yall
@BowWow: I sacrificed my life for this Hip Hop shit. I put my “REAL” life on hold. If i could do it over…. I wudda went to school. Got me a reg job

That’s intense. Bow Wow hasn’t tweeted anything since, but someone needs to call him and make sure he’s okay…. But I’m voting against Soulja Boy being the one to do it. He tweeted this shortly afterwards:

@Souljaboy: are you ok dude @bowwow or you trying to reach a million followers?

Jeez. Remind me not to call him when I’m depressed.

Chris Brown, who knows just a little about having a hard time (ahem), had this to offer:

@chrisbrown: @bowwow nigga shut up! Stop talking like that!
@chrisbrown: @bowwow don’t let nobody steal your joy! Whoop

Chris has since deleted his helpful tweets. Wonder why. But really though, somebody give Bow Wow a call.

And there you have it! If you catch any entertaining celeb tweets that you think I should include in the future, drop me an email! Also… follow my dumbass thoughts on Twitter @ItsBeedajuice. K bye!