omgz baby jayoncebey-zruleroftheuniverse!

No, I’m not late to the party. I was right there practically mounting my TV screen during the MTV VMA’s when Beyonce dropped that microphone and rubbed that belly, signifying the apocalypse. Or, ya know, that she’s finally pregnant. In all honesty, my reaction to that moment was a little ridiculous. The level of joy I felt watching the fiercest baby announcement ever, along with seeing Jay-Z and Kanye West triumphantly pissing themselves in happiness – you’d think it was the second coming of Jesus. The funny thing is, I’ve seen a lot of people reacting the same way. And then still others going, “Why the hell is everyone so concerned about this?” I’ll tell you why.

(They’re both covered in urine!)

I am by no means a Beyonce stan. I think her music is formulaic, albeit catchy, but I DO readily admit that she’s easily one of the best performers we’ve got right now. Like her or not, she puts DOWN in every performance she gives, and although her over-singing can get obnoxious, diva’s got a voice. At the same time, I know a lot of people who cannot stand the woman. They think she’s shallow, has no personality, her voice is annoying, her unitards make them weep, etc. To them, this is not a big deal. But to anyone who can at least respect her talent, and to anyone who’s paid attention to how private she’s always kept her relationship with her rap mogal husband, Jay-Z, having such a public display of a personal thing was kind of amazing. For a brief moment, the world got to see this secretive couple joyously reacting to a milestone in their marriage, right in front of our faces. Sure, we’ve heard them both say they love and admire each other, but it’s not often that you even see them near each other on a red carpet, let alone sharing this kind of news with people. I mean, their wedding was kept totally hush-hush and the event had a full media blackout. Go ahead, scour Google. You cannot find a picture of so much as a crumpled napkin from the reception. But their impending bundle of baby joy? We were actually let in on that one.

There’s been rumors about Beyonce possibly being pregnant ever since she wed Jay-Z. They’re constantly having to field questions about it in every interview. We’ve been looking for a baby bump like psychopaths for years. With her doing a couple recent performances wearing a loose fitting dress in place of her usual skintight one-pieces, the rumor mill has been in a frenzy. She wasn’t going to be able to hide the bulge in her figure for much longer, so it looks like she just took it upon herself to tell us everything without even saying a word. If she couldn’t hide it, she might as well be in total control of how the news got out; and she did it after kicking all kinds of ass wailing out “Love On Top.” Come on, dropping the mic like a G and just rubbing her belly? Can you picture anyone else pulling that off with such authority? I’m gonna need a moment.

Get More: 2011 VMA, Music, Beyoncé

Got damn, people. Of COURSE this is a big deal. One of the biggest power couples in the universe has a baby in the oven. I wouldn’t be surprised if that child springs into the world with the most beautiful wail ever heard by human ears. It’s going to be raised by two of the biggest stars in the world (and fingers crossed for some help from our favorite bigmouth, Kanye West!) and hopefully writing one hell of a tell-all in 20 years.

I’ll just say one last thing: Let’s pray the baby gets her mama’s looks. Nothing but love for Jay-Z, but.



Kanye is creating my next nightmare

The clip for Monster, Kanye’s single with Nicki Minaj and Jay-Z, hit the web today… and oh boy are our minds about to get f@cked. Some of my favorite highlights are Kanye jamming the hand of some comatose but wide-eyed white girl into his face and then rapping ON her lips (what?), white girls in lingerie and heels hanging in nooses from the ceiling surrounding a cigar smoking Rick Ross, and Nicki Minaj crawling away from the camera with her lace-covered ass in our faces. This is really my kinda party. Don’t judge.



I do have to wonder, though: what’s with the slack-jawed half dead white girls, Yeezy? What you tryin to say about us?