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I Don’t Use Humor As A Shield What Are You Talking About

I was not a funny kid, but I always liked comedy.  My cousin and I would get Domino’s and watch Dana Carvey and George Carlin stand up before we were old enough to understand it.  We were drawn to anything that had the potential to amuse us. Our childhoods weren’t all that great, you see!

Back then I was a hideously shy, quiet girl who took everything personally.  I went to a tiny school in a tiny town with a bunch of bored kids.  Bullying was a common pastime, and I was an easy target.  I was too skinny, my ears stuck out, and I never fought back.  I was berated for my looks, for using words that were too big (I carried around a pocket thesaurus for years — the equivalent to putting a kick me sign on my own back), for finishing my tests too fast, and for getting good grades.  This is not a humblebrag – none of that shit gets you liked in school. I had been praised so much for doing well in school by my family that I’d never risk disappointing them by slacking off, but I wanted desperately to be liked and accepted by my peers. (more…)

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Rain=END OF THE WORLD & Other Things I Learned Living In Los Angeles

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I moved to LA for a lot of reasons. Let’s get right to it, okay? I was on-and-off dating a guy who moved out here, and when I made the announcement that I was also moving out here, pretty much everyone I knew was convinced that I was a desperate pitiful lunatic following his ass – an ass that didn’t even really want me – across the country. Yes folks, my “friends” were SO confident in me that they were taking bets on how long I’d last out here after he cheated on me/kicked me to the curb.  Almost six years later and I’m still here so to them I say: EAT MY ASS, YOU JOYLESS PRICKS.

But were they right? Kind of.  I had wanted to move out of my hometown, Albany, since before I graduated college, but I had no one to do it with me and I was too much of a vagina to do anything about it on my own. I met this dude and fell for him, watched him make the move, visited him a few times, watched my cousin also make the move, and somewhere along the way I decided to do it myself.  Basically, meeting this guy gave me the lady-balls I needed to change my own life.

When I came out here, I thought I had LA mostly figured out.  (more…)

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Funny things for that ass

Inspired by my own damn self and my article over at Made Woman Magazine about comedians, I decided to sit here and find YouTube videos of some of my favorite comedians saying funny things.

Because they’re funny.

Do you hate Dane Cook? Get right out of town. I’m so tired of people shitting on Dane. Yes, okay, he can be overzealous and seems like he’d be the type of guy to eat his own ass if he could, but so what?

In this clip, he’s talking about hooking up with someone for the first time and how a guy will try his damndest to slip in unnoticed without a damn condom. It’s the truest thing ever, you men all do everything he describes in this, and that’s why you have herpes.

“Feels like I hate you.”

I’m really late on the Louis CK train but I’m glad I hopped on. Like what I did there? In this one he’s talking about how we’re all useless ungrateful spoiled pieces of shit in this world. Basically.


“Give it a second! It’s going to space!”

Daniel Tosh is a god amongst men. A mean, blunt god. In this one he’s talking about how empty and souless women with plastic surgery are.

“You got big titties top shelf, small titties? mmm..beer in a can.” Fuck you, Daniel. Fuck you and your beer.

And George Carlin making a complete mockery out of religion. When you look at it this way…… yeah, it all sounds pretty fucking stupid. Seriously, regardless of your thoughts on religion, this is some intelligent, hilarious stuff.

“You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci.” RIP George. You were a freakin genius.

If you haven’t seen this entire Chris Rock special, watch it immediately. It will change your life. For like an hour.

OK, bye.