delete

Rain=END OF THE WORLD & Other Things I Learned Living In Los Angeles

act

 

I moved to LA for a lot of reasons. Let’s get right to it, okay? I was on-and-off dating a guy who moved out here, and when I made the announcement that I was also moving out here, pretty much everyone I knew was convinced that I was a desperate pitiful lunatic following his ass – an ass that didn’t even really want me – across the country. Yes folks, my “friends” were SO confident in me that they were taking bets on how long I’d last out here after he cheated on me/kicked me to the curb.  Almost six years later and I’m still here so to them I say: EAT MY ASS, YOU JOYLESS PRICKS.

But were they right? Kind of.  I had wanted to move out of my hometown, Albany, since before I graduated college, but I had no one to do it with me and I was too much of a vagina to do anything about it on my own. I met this dude and fell for him, watched him make the move, visited him a few times, watched my cousin also make the move, and somewhere along the way I decided to do it myself.  Basically, meeting this guy gave me the lady-balls I needed to change my own life.

When I came out here, I thought I had LA mostly figured out.  (more…)

delete

Saturday, 1/5/13: The Night Me and Will Smith Didn’t Get Married

Saturday was rather eventful for this antisocial recluse who usually spends her weekends drowning alone in bottles of wine. Hey, by the way, everyone who asks why I’m single? There’s your answer.

photo

My lovely friend invited me to go see Django Unchained with her and a group of her friends, which in actuality ended up being a 3rd wheel situation when her man friend was the only other person to show up. Luckily I am nonplussed by turns of events such as this, because I am quite familiar with being the dateless ogre sitting next to the cool kids. So anyways, this white girl and her two black friends go in to see a movie about slavery together. Awkward situation at the movie store? No, friends, no, we all laughed and cringed at the appropriate times and no unfortunate race wars broke out in the aisles. Movie was top notch by the way. I especially enjoyed watching Jamie Foxx make Quentin Tarantino’s bloated visage go boom. But the night doesn’t end there. Oh fuck no it doesn’t.

If you know me you know there’s a lot of stuff that I hate. People, places and things, mostly. So you will be shocked to know that I decided all willy nilly (foreshadowing: a concept I understand) to accompany my movie date (sans man friend) to her friend’s going away party at a bar in Studio City. STUDIO CITY. Do you know what it’s like to schlep to Studio City from West LA? That’s like, oh my god, totally the valley. And I barely knew the person whose party it was! And I wasn’t going to know anyone there besides my friend and one other friend who may or may be there! And ho boy, do I loathe forced socialization with strangers. But I decided to throw caution to the wind and go, cuz hey, maybe my future husband likes bars in Studio City? He might. And we’d break up cuz he goes to bars in Studio City, but whatever. Who am I to piss in the face of fate, right?

(more…)

delete

This song was actually written by Charlie Sheen

All I do is win, win, win…

delete

Obligatory AMA Fashion Post

So the AMA’s were last night and although it was kind of a snoozefest, at least some of the outfits were fun (or in Kesha’s case, horrifying).

Katy Perry decided to put her boobs away (mostly) for this particular occasion, and she looks gorgeous in the face area…. but I’m pretty sure those are pink cotton balls glued on her dress. And the length is awkward, not quite short or long. I’m really confused here, Katy. Maybe you should just stick with the boob outfits.

 

Jesus Christ. Go sit down somewhere already, Kesha.

 

I’m always all up on Rihanna’s nuts and think she looks gorgeous in basically anything, but… is that a nipple? Whatever. I guess we should just be relieved she ditched that long ass red wig. Why do I have the urge to watch Flashdance now? Hmm.

 

OK, Ms. Minaj, we get it. You’re different. But that’s no excuse to go traipsing around with green hair and whatever the hell that is hanging off of your dress. Are they snakes? No. Just no.

 
 

WELL, look who’s all growed up! Gorgeous! Take that, John Mayer.

 

Stop the presses; Miley Cyrus’s outfit is NOT assaulting my corneas. This is confusing. The dress, the jewelry, the shoes? Thumbs up.

 

I don’t understand this outfit at all, which tells me that it must kick ass. How are you this cool as a 10-year-old?

So yeah. This is completely unrelated to the AMA’s and I have NO idea where it came from or if it’s real, but I pray to Jesus above that it is. Michael Jackson knew how to party his face off. In a pink tie. With little people? Well I never.

Photos: WireImage

delete

GQ Men of the Year (and a lady, too)

gq men of the year 2010GQ men of the year 2010
 

Could life get any better for Drake these days? He’s not just that kid from Degrassi anymore (although everyone still seems to mention it); he is a hip hop superpower. He went from making mixtapes to having a smash album to appearing on tracks with everyone from Lil Wayne to Jay-Z to Willow Smith (so I made that up, but watch, it’ll happen. If Justin Bieber can get Kanye, the least that little kick-ass Willow can get is Drake). Now he’s a GQ Man of the Year for 2010. He’s received this honor for being the Breakout of the Year, and he shares the title with James Franco (Leading Man of the Year), Stephen Colbert (Patriot of the Year) and Jeff Bridges (Icon of the Year). I’m not sure what this title gets you besides probably a party and bragging rights, but go Drake! Oh, and the rest of the guys too.

Ah yes, and Scarlett Johansson got Babe of the Year. I’m assuming they throw this in to appease the buyers who may get pissed off over having nothing worth drooling over on the cover. Drool away.
gq 2010 men of the year

Photos: GQ.com

delete

Leave Demi Lovato Alone


 
OK, besides the fact that she has a Disney show, I admittedly don’t really know what Demi Lovato does. I do know this: she’s a young girl in the public eye who just checked into rehab and every celebrity mag/website/Twitter/Facebook/blog is going apeshit trying to figure out why. So why do I care? Because she’s like 18, has admitted she had body issues in the past, just went through a very public breakup with one of those virginal (right) Jonas Brothers and apparently whatever her problems are, they’re so bad she had to get professional help. Rumors are swirling everywhere about whether she’s cutting herself, if she’s partying too much, if it’s related to her ex JoBro boyfriend now apparently dating Ashley Greene… whatever. If I saw my ex making out with Ashley Greene I’d be drunk in a ditch smashing a frying pan over my head. This girl is a kid. She obviously has issues and she’s going the responsible route by getting help. If she were going the Lohan route and coking her face off, I wouldn’t so much blame anyone for digging for dirt.
 
No, I’m not going to post a video of myself crying and pleading for you to leave Demi alone a la Chris Crocker (from that Leave Britney Alone video), as entertaining as that may be…but seriously. We should let this one go.