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James Beach Tacos AKA “I Love You, Man” Tacos: Reviewed

WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.

WE’LL SEE ABOUT THAT.

One of my friends from college recently made the big move to Los Angeles, and she’s basically become my hetero life partner.  She lives only a couple miles away, she’s one of my few single friends who’s always available for activities (yes, we ARE building bunk beds so we have more room), and she’s cool and smart and funny and shit.  What up, Cate? I just raved about you on the internet.  Congrats.

Cate, excited about coming to the land of supposedly great Mexican food and eager to shove her face into it, (more…)

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You Won’t BELIEVE What This Girl Has To Say About SEX! It Will BLOW Your MIND!

Resist the temptation to steal and repurpose this magic.

Resist the temptation to steal and repurpose this magic.

Awhile back, I had a friend who did a lot of research on how to snag a man.  This girl was on the hunt for a husband, and she was reading books on how to find good men and what sort of trickery to employ to get one to commit and become her “one.”  My initial response was to roll my eyes out of my skull, (more…)

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Michael Jackson? Yeah, I Like Him.

michael jackson

You want to know about obsession?  I’ll tell you about obsession.  I clearly remember being a little kid, maybe 6? 7?, sitting in my room, looking in a mirror (why? that’s probably a question for a therapist), and bawling my eyes out because I wanted to marry Michael Jackson and I didn’t know how I could meet him to make it happen.  My first cassette tape was Thriller.  My first CD was Off The Wall.  I used to choreograph dances to the Dangerous album, teach them to girls on my block, and we’d perform them on the sidewalk in the summer.  The dance to “Why You Wanna Trip On Me” involved all of us tripping over each other, because I did not understand slang yet.   (more…)

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Juice Cleanse Day 3: This Will Be a Shock to No One

I quit!

I made it through the entire 3rd day feeling okay, but I attribute that to the fact that I had eaten the night before.  I also only drank 4 of the 6 juices, and didn’t finish any of them.  I felt so terrible the first day that I didn’t want to risk repeats the following days, so I felt I had to limit my consumption.  Which was cutting crucial calories.  By the end of the day, I admitted to myself that this had been an exercise in insanity, and I ate scraps of food I had leftover from before this thing started.  Screw it.

I definitely didn’t do this the “right” way, considering that I skipped the 3 day prep step before starting it, and that I gave in and ate a bit the last two days.  Would this have gone better if I had?  Maybe!  But I have a tough time thinking that all that sugar would have made me feel good under any circumstances — there was as much as 40g of it in one bottle of those things.  If they’d been less sweet, and had 100% less celery, maybe I could have stuck it out better than I did, but I am pretty convinced these cleanses are a load of shit.

Some people claim that juice detoxes make them feel awesome.  To those people I say good for you.  Keep doing it if you think it works for you.  But for me, this felt the opposite of healthy.

I still have two days of juice coming on Friday and Saturday, unfortunately, but I will not be doing this anymore.  I may drink the two least offensive ones and just throw the rest out.  Maybe donate them to a neighbor.  Maybe blast them into the sun.

In closing, if you’re ever considering doing a juice cleanse, eat some goddamn salad instead.

 

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Juice Cleanse Day 2: Ugh.

I don’t follow rules well.

No headache, heartburn or nausea when I woke up in the morning, but I took one sip of that first celery concoction and poured the rest out.  I also only drank about 3/4 each of all the other juices because they’re too fucking sweet.

And I ate some nuts.  And later some pretzels.  Whoops.

My head has been foggy but otherwise I feel alright.  Shockingly, I’m not hungry.  I gave in and ate some solid food mostly because I needed something to cut all the sugar.

I’m ducking out of social activities with people because I can’t bring myself to explain that I am drinking juice and can’t eat food or drink alcohol with them (what else is there?), even though in LA that’s probably not the most uncommon excuse.

I officially don’t believe that this is “detoxing” or good for you, because no human being should be consuming this much sugar in a day, let alone for days in a row.  This is coming from a girl who could house 4 cupcakes and ask for one more.

I’m shutting this down after Thursday, unless I wake up with either A) superpowers, B) washboard abs, or C) washboard abs with superpowers.