Ice Cream and I Have Agreed to See Other People.

Reasons why I eat:

-I’m happy about something.
-I’m sad about something.
-The sky is blue again today.
-My dog has cool whiskers.
-Beyonce exists.

Ugh, I need some chicken wings.

Ugh, I need some chicken wings.

In other words, most of the time I don’t eat purely because I’m hungry.  I’m actually not hungry that often.  If I were to eat just to satiate a bodily need, I think I could get by on a big sandwich per day and be fine.  But food is a form of comfort to me, and sometimes the relationship gets ugly, particularly when I’m stressed out about something.  I’ve written myself a prescription for pizza and ice cream and I can refill it until the end of time.  I can write you one too, if you want!

This is why I have decided to do a juice cleanse, starting tomorrow.  Why should you care?  You don’t have to, but this is my goddamn blog and you’re here, aren’t you?

One of my friends has done one through a local place called Pressed Juicery, and they deliver you a shipment for the day every morning.  I have appointed them my dealer.  I can hear you now: “Jesus Christ, how LA of you!  What’s next, you going to become an organic homeopathic vegan Scientologist?”  First of all, I’m not nearly wealthy enough to be a Scientologist.  Secondly, no!  I’m not trying to really “cleanse” myself of anything – I think the whole cleansing theory is bullshit to begin with (although my body will undoubtedly benefit from a break from cheese and wine).  I’m doing this because I want to challenge myself to stop consuming things just to consume them, and see if I can do it.  I’ve already tried simply eating healthy, but my willpower isn’t usually strong enough to stick to it for long.  I feel like I need a reset button of sorts.  So I’m trying this.  Maybe it’ll be good for me in the long run.

Or maybe I will just be a miserable sack of misery for the next few days (chances: solid), in which case maybe don’t talk to me much?  Either way, I’ll be blogging about how this goes.  If I’m going to torture myself by drinking straight up liquified kale spinach gross for several days, you’re gonna read about it!  I mean, if you choose to.

Ew!  Juice!


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