You know the guy.
For those of you who know me as the lazy piece of crap I am now, you might be surprised to know that I was a very motivated and creative youth. I voraciously consumed every Berenstain Bear, Clifford the Big Red Dog, and eventually, as a pre-teen, Nancy Drew, Babysitter’s Club and Sweet Valley High Book I could read – along with random terrifying and graphic sci-fi books my dad left around. Then I started writing my own stories. It got to the point that I eventually wrote my own “book series” called The Modern Young Women Series (trying to sound cool and sadly, not quite getting it yet), which was shamelessly modeled off of The Babysitter’s Club books. I wrote so much that eventually my electric typewriter was not enough for me, and I lusted for a shiny new computer of my very own.
At the tender age of 11-12 years old my wish came true, and along with my Macintosh Performa, I was somehow granted completely unrestricted and unsupervised internet access. Not knowing what the fuck the internet was at the time or what I was supposed to do on it, I ended up on websites dedicated to the only thing I really thought a lot about at the time: Michael Jackson. After a few years of familiarizing myself with the interweb and a dizzying amount of fan-run websites, in the heyday of build-your-own-site platforms like Angelfire and Geocities, I figured I’d try my hand at making my own. After teaching myself some very basic HTML, my Michael Jackson website was born. I can’t remember much about it, but it looked like a typical homegrown 90′s website, and it had MIDI music of one of his songs playing on it.
Ugh, do you remember MIDI music? If you don’t, this will jog your memory. Woof.
Not completely satisfied with my creation for pressing teenage reasons, I abandoned it and moved onto making a site for his little sister, Janet. Man, did I love the Jacksons!
Still feeling artistically unfulfilled, and saddled with way too much fan-site competition, my next project became clear to me with the release of a song I think you’ll recognize as one of the most stunning and provocative musical creations in recent history:
My new website would be dedicated to the thong worshiping blonde haired song siren himself, Sisqo. And this became my most successful internet project to date. What did I call this site? (more…)